It's interesting that for quite a while I've been kind of in neutral, idling as it were, and while I was, pretty much everything else (exterior forces acting on my life; God, fate, bosses, possibly a muse) seemed to be doing the same thing, namely...nothing. Now here is the ironic part. I fancy that I'm starting to come out of my malaise and these forces seem to be trying to make up for lost time. All sort of fighting against each other, presumably figuring to make sure they get there chance first in case I give in again before they get there turn. My issue isn't that these things are happening but in the fact that they are contradictory things most of them trying keep me from the path that I have deemed appropriate for my future. You see, I've recently started making decisions that impact the way my life will go from the point that I am able to enact them (sorry I'm not going into details here but I like to play close to the vest, you'll find out in due time). The things that are going on at any other point would have been a blessing and I would have welcomed them, but now they seem a trap that only look to drag me down. I'll give you the latest example (the one that actually prompted this post). I have worked my current job for a long time and while I have made some advances in seniority and rank, it has never been a fiscally beneficial time for me. I have decided that while I like my job and would not have met any of my best friends without it, I do not want to work retail for the rest of my life. Shocker. I know it's a job that's supposed to be a means to an end and not a career. But now that I've come to this realization a very interesting thing has happened. I was talking to the owners of the store and it was intimated to me that they had me pegged for a pretty significant promotion and raise (although not hard dates or plans were made). The thing is, I know me. I've got this very strong sense of honor, if I was to take that promotion that's it for me. That's my job for ever. So it seems that has put an expiration date on my current job. When the time comes I can do 1 of 2 things. 1) I can take it, bank some money, buy a house, settle down in Cheney and work that job...forever. or 2) I quit and start my plans at that point whether I'm ready or not. I don't see a 3 I can't see myself working there after turning down a promotion. If this would have happened already I'm pretty sure I know what I would do and it would have been the wrong choice. It would possibly be my one chance to make a descent living at any point in the foreseeable future and I would have to turn it down in order to stick with my convictions.
...I guess what it boils down to is God didn't let this come into my life earlier because he know I would have made the wrong choices and screwed up the amazing world changing things he has planned for me!
P.S. for those of you that know them PLEASE don't mention any of this to my employers (or anyone who would tell them) although I am willing to stick to my convictions I'm not quite ready to act on them just yet.
3 comments:
Well, I for one am not shocked they offered you something like this. For me, the real shocker is that it took them SO LONG to realize what they needed to do all along. And the fact that there are still no dates, specifics yet on the offer to me is telling. They are getting nervous, so want to dangle a carrot without committing themselves. Deplorable. (Just my two cents...no offense to anyone who counts these individuals among their friends)
As for the rest, you know where we stand. Looking forward to seeing the drama unfold! :)
Brian,I have found that once you start making decisions for how you want to live, all kinds of choices start popping up that appear to make you go off course. But mostly, when you start on the RIGHT path, all kinds possibilities open up for you. It's as if the entire universe was waiting for you to finally choose the path you were always meant to take. It did for me at least.
Your management coming back at you with this "possible" raise and promotion is just like the boyfriend or girlfriend that harshly broke up with you but as soon as they see that you are getting on with your life and healing, they come back at you wanting you back - or should I say "holding you back". The way I see it, your job sounds like a relationship. And just like relationships, your connection to it is very complicated. But what it all comes down to is listen to your heart and ACT ON IT! You have known the right answer and right thing to do for YOURSELF for a long time now - whatever that may be (I believe everyone does deep down - it's more about listening and trusting your instincts - this is where my belief in GOD was made possible). Now all that is left is to take the leap. I promise you will not regret it!! Hang in there, we are rooting for you!
Please excuse me but I think I may have gotten a bit preachy. Your posts brings out my eagerness to be a part of your thought process and to share my experiences. Thank you for that. I have so been there - multiple times! Vpallo is wise and cares very much for your welfare. You are lucky to have someone who has only YOUR best interest at heart. Go vpallo!!
Time may have gotten away from us Brian, but we still think about you and miss you. You were the last one we had over for dinner!
I like these Vaughn people...they always agree with me! :) You all said it much better than I did, however. I definitely agree with the "ex" analogy--that's what I was getting at with the commitment issue. Well said!
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