For quite a while now I've suspected there might be something...wrong. Maybe wrong is too strong, Let's go with; off, askew, amiss, distorted or maybe just strange. I think I've even figured out what it is. I have to do a little more research but what I've found so far seems to fit. I have to talk to somebody and see what they think or have experienced. I know the logical thing is to talk to an expert but that really scares me. It's not really real if the people with the fancy degrees don't tell you about it...you know what I mean? I don't think it's paranoia but at this point I can still tell myself that it is. But the thing is...I don't know how to fix it. The worst part is, the one thing I hate most is surrendering control. Well, that and admitting weakness. Those are pretty much obstacles I'm going to have to overcome if I'm going to move forward with this. The interesting thing is, by trying to chase it down for myself I feel oddly empowered. At this point it kind of feels like a pretty good mystery novel. Hunting down clues, reading between the lines making deductions. If it wasn't about me and wasn't a little scary it could be a fun little exercise.
I want to end this on a happy note. So until next time remember...
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
4 comments:
Well, as you know very well I love a good mystery...however, I'm not so fond of them when they involved a dearly loved one! I trust you'll keep us informed, and wish you good hunting. (And an admonishment not to avoid those experts!!! They have those degrees for a reason, you know!) :)
P.S.--I just noticed your Lichtenstein. I LOVE it! You know I'm a huge fan, but I haven't come across that one before. If you ever find a print of it, let me know--I'd love to get it for my office.
I found a quote, well 4 quotes for you while I was looking for New Years quotes, that I feel fit succinctly fit well with your dialogue. I like Henry's the most but I think you could get something from all of them:
Ellen Goodman
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives, not looking for flaws, but for potential.
Friedrich Nietzsche
No, life has not disappointed me. On the contrary, I find it truer, more desirable and mysterious every year ever since the day when the great liberator came to me: the idea that life could be an experiment of the seeker for knowledge and not a duty, not a calamity, not trickery.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear, and with a manly heart.
Kersti Bergroth
It is difficult not to believe that the next year will be better than the old one! And this illusion is not wrong. Future is always good, no matter what happens. It will always give us what we need and what we want in secret. It will always bless us with right gifts. Thus in a deeper sense our belief in the New Year cannot deceive us.
vpallo is very wise. I agree with her completely. Maddy is BEAUTIFUL!! Congratulations!!!!
ok, well..."i'm ok" is not much of a reassurance when it is followed by very concerning words!! I know sometimes just venting helps, but if you ever need to talk in person...or there's something we can do to be helpful...you know how to find us! ;o)
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