Starting out...seeing what happens.

So...I've never tried to do anything like this before. Every time I've blogged before it turns into my opinions on books or movies or some trivial thing. I'm not saying you will never find that here but this Blog has a different purpose. A glimpse into my actual thoughts. You see, I don't like people to know too much about me. I have to have my barriers, I compartmentalize, I keep people in the dark. The depths of my mind can be a scary place and is not for the faint of heart. But the thing is, I'm beginning to realize that once I finally let someone inside they might actually be OK with what they find there. As cold and isolated and unflinchingly morose as that terrain can be it does have a flip side. I've figured out that I have a real heart for people and a desire to help. A side that has been nurtured and grown by a group of amazing people that I, for reasons I'm not exactly sure of, allowed into my mind. A select group of very close friends that know so much about me it scares me...a lot. I'm able to share my ideals and opinions with these people and as I'm laid out bare and vulnerable a funny thing happens, every single time. They don't deride me or make me feel as though my opinions or ideals are something less than theirs. They listen to me and share their thoughts and we have some unbelievably deep conversations about truly world changing things. These are smart people who know me and actually value me. I know these are things that most people find much earlier in life than I have. But I always had up my precious walls, but those things I used to protect myself blocked out much more than I had ever intended. As I'm coming to discover, things in my life only get better if I let people in. So this is kind of an experiment, just to see what happens when I actually tell people what I'm thinking about.

So anyways this whole rambling discourse was only meant to be an introduction. If it's any indication of how it's going to be it might all just be stream of consciousness salinger-esque crap. If I haven't already scared you off, check in once in a while and see what's going on. You never know what kind of random stuff might come out of my mouth...er...fingers.